Just a little over a year ago I went through a stretch where I felt completely aimless. I had no motivation both personally and professionally, and everyday felt like I was searching for something I couldn’t name. I had no clear answers, just a lingering feeling of stuckness. Lately that feeling has come back, but this time it’s different. It’s no longer showing up in my personal or spiritual life- it’s now centered around work. And I’ve been trying to figure out why.
Lack of motivation personally and professionally was likely due to my father-in-law’s passing
The timing of that aimless feeling from over a year ago coincided very closely to my father-in-law’s sickness and ultimately his death. A lot of these feelings may have come from grief and uncertainty. I certainly felt uninspired throughout that period in time. Everything felt distant. The importance of everything came into question. It’s hard to describe exactly how it felt, but the best way I can describe it was that I was looking for answers to questions that I couldn’t describe. Making any moves to make it better felt like grasping at straws, but I knew I had to try.
Looking back, it feels like the main cause of that feeling was grief. This realization surprised me though, because I expected grief to manifest in different ways. The timing, and the constant thoughts about death seem to really suggest that a low level state of grief played a part in it.
Time has ultimately helped me get past that phase, but I do think other changes I made, like reducing screen time, getting to the gym, and meditation helped quite a bit as well. A lot of it seemed spiritually guided, and I made progress certainly with the help of more meditation and reading.
Work-centered stuckness
Today’s feeling of being stuck is more compartmentalized. It’s no longer a life-wide issue, but rather something in my current situation professionally isn’t clicking. The sentiment today feels much different than the time I described above. There’s a bit of frustration, boredom, and guilt for not feeling more motivated. My mind/body seems to be signaling something to me, and having this situation feel more localized, does feel like it can be more addressable. I just need to figure out how.
Getting clarity on what’s going on
For a while, I thought maybe I need to learn a new skill set. Maybe I need to dig into a problem area. I started looking into online resources to get up to speed on recent emerging tech, and pulled specific problems at work to dig into.
Thoughts from a mentor
I spoke with a mentor to get their perspective on what I’m feeling, and they shared that they’ve often experienced feelings like this throughout their career. They provided me with an additional perspective that can help inform what my next steps should be, which I’ve shared below:
Needing a clear line of sight on what I am working towards
Not knowing the next step has contributed to this feeling of being stuck. It’s made me feel aimless. Things start to feel stale, and essentially rinse and repeat. There is no feeling challenged in new ways, no goal of working towards a promotion, or learning a new skill. Having no direction is in essence, demotivating. That’s not to say that someone wouldn’t still be challenged in the role, but it might be the feeling of being challenged in the same way over and over again as opposed to something new.
For this mentor, this demotivated feeling often comes around the year mark after a promotion. And also often happens to be around the time they decide to change jobs. It’s not always enough to be internally motivated to focus on doing the best work you can. Often there is some form of external motivation needed too. Essentially a clear line of sight, and a path into how to get there.
This person said they expected their manager to provide that line of sight. To provide new ways to be challenged in their role and to help find things to get them exposure to, or learn more about or skills to develop.
Acknowledge how the world might be impacting me
This mentor also suggested that there’s so much uncertainty in the world right now, that there’s a chance this concern plays into peoples’ everyday and perspectives about work. Even if you’re not constantly exposed to a barrage of news, you’re still aware of what’s happening. And this can affect your nervous system in this low level state of stress. Their therapist encourages them to acknowledge how much this might impact them, even if not consciously letting it.
Determining my next steps
Having a better understanding of what could be contributing to how I’m feeling helps me understand what my next best steps are. I’ve always been a person that essentially takes a step in any direction to see what I can learn or to see if that path is the right next one for me. My mind and body are telling me that something’s not right, and I know I need to find a path to fix it. I need to continue to understand what energizes me (and demotivates me), and continue to find how to continue pursuing those things that energize me.
