For many months, I felt stuck. I had zero motivation to do anything in or outside of work. It felt like I was searching for an answer to something vague and unknown. I thought if I could get this one answer, it would fix all my problems. Little did I know that all the small steps I would take to experiment to try and get out of this funk would not just help “solve” the unknown problem but also help me grow physically and mentally. I’m still on this journey, but the results have brought me to a good place so far.
Working remotely and throwing most of my energy into work and deadlines, I wasn’t leaving the house. I felt strong urges to be outside. Of course since there was way too much to be done at work, working would take priority over most of my day. I tried stream-of-consciousness writing in the mornings to see if it would fix this feeling of being “stuck”. I didn’t notice a difference.
It all got to a point where I knew I had to do more to figure out how to get out of this funk. With no answers in sight, I decided to start doing ANYTHING to see what worked and what didn’t. Based on a prior experience with a big career change, I knew that taking little steps forward to assess what “helped” or not would help me figure this out.
The hardest part of all of this was actually taking the first step and sticking with it long enough (i.e., discipline) to assess its impact. It’s hard to try something new when daily routines are so familiar. None of the changes I made happened quickly. They took weeks, or even months of getting familiar with an idea, ruminating on it, and then finally taking action.
These are the changes I tested to see what could help and work for me. The creation of this blog is also one of those tests which I’ll get to in another post.
Weaning off TV (and screens)
Less screen time contributed to feeling less “tired”, more creative, and mentally stimulated. I can’t explain the science behind it, but I do know that I my mind felt healthier and like I had been more productive each day, and less like a tired zombie.
TV and screens are Type 1 fun. This is the type of fun that is easy and satisfying in the moment, but is not lasting (think eating a doughnut, Netflix, scrolling social media). This differs from Type 2 fun, which takes more effort, but is more memorable in the long-term. Think training for and running a marathon, or planning a big trip with friends. I can’t find who officially coined these terms, but you can do some Google searches on this topic.
For years if I wasn’t working I would turn on the TV and watch episodes of TLC series one after another. There was always a series with a new episode most days of the week that I could binge. Then I turned to true crime, and binge watched all the true crime I could find.
There was one weekend where I wanted to recover from a stressful week at work. I decided to binge episodes of true crime to “relax”. It did the complete opposite. My mind felt worn and tired and not energized in the least.
With the support of Mr. Nacho, I decided to cancel most of our streaming subscriptions. Next, I set a timer to limit scrolling on social media. I tried this out for 30 days to see how it felt. Turns out after only a couple weeks, I could feel the benefits. I’ve continued to limit my screen time since.
Taking walks and listening to podcasts
With less TV and social media, I turned more to podcasts and taking walks. Again, I can’t elaborate on the science behind it, but after a few weeks, I noticed a difference again in my energy and creativity.
I once told a manager how stressed I was working nights and weekends. That the constant high pressure and expectations from leadership was really starting to wear on me to an unhealthy state. Their response to me was, “take more walks”. I thought it was a silly bit of advice. I’m telling you how I’m losing it from stress and instead of helping me prioritize my workload, you’re telling me that taking walks is the answer? In hindsight, there was some truth to his recommendation (but they also could have helped me with the work situation).
Years later, in a different role, I started taking more walks outside. I did this while also starting to listen to podcasts. I experienced renewed energy during the work day when I was able to take even just 10-minute strolls outside in between meetings. And there were times when I had to reschedule certain meetings to prioritize these types of breaks.
Podcasts provided more benefits than TV or screens. I learned from the content of each podcast, but listening to podcasts also seemed to improve my focus and listening skills as well.
This was the first podcast episode I listened to on a walk: All the Hacks: Finding Happiness, Success and Deep Purpose with Arthur Brooks (Spotify, Apple Podcast)
Meditating more regularly
If I can manage my thoughts, perhaps I can manage my stress. This has been an ongoing journey to practice meditation and do it consistently (even for just 5 minutes a day).
I once had a high school teacher who was really into meditation. Once in a while he would have his students do quick meditation sessions. I thought it was super boring and might have even fallen asleep. I had no interest in meditation because it evoked images of Buddhist monks sitting in silence. And that seemed uninteresting and hokey to me.
I rediscovered meditation in my early 30s with a trial of the guided meditation app Headspace. They were interesting, but I didn’t really feel much benefit, so I stopped. It wasn’t until years later when I lost my mind over stress at work that I tried whatever I could to see if it could help.
Practicing a habit of at least 5 minutes a day
I started again with a trial for Headspace and tried meditating for 5-10 minutes a day. From there, I continued to look for more free resources. I found guided meditations on Spotify (most weren’t that great). A friend let me share their login for Gaia, which is an app that features resources for “consciousness-expanding” content. They have a number of meditations which I also listened to daily. I tried another app trial called the Tapping Solution, which was an interesting form of meditation to help control anxiety. Eventually I started using only the Insight Timer timer function for non-guided meditations on my own.
Learning “how” to meditate
The guided meditations provided frameworks of what I was supposed to do during meditations – focusing on the breath, body scans from top of the head to the bottom of my feet, focusing on the sensations and weight of my physical body. If it weren’t for these guided meditations (along with podcast and online resources), I wouldn’t know “how” to meditate. I would have thought meditation was simply sitting in silence thinking about anything that came to mind.
These sessions help practice guiding attention to your breath. When your mind wanders (because it will), you can acknowledge it but just bring it back to the breath or body. This meditation muscle can be exercised to help observe thoughts and feelings as they come and go, but not become them.
By training the mind in this way, and understanding that thoughts are just thoughts, this has helped my stress a lot. At times it has even felt like a super power, being able to control my mind and in a way, expand my consciousness even if just barely.
Many people comment, “I’m bad at meditating” or “my mind races too much”. And that’s where everyone new to meditation starts. Everyone has a racing mind. If you’re interested in helping to manage anxiety or stress, or improving attention and mindfulness, you have to practice exercising this muscle. A routine of 5 minutes a day is a great place to start.
Links to a few meditation resources
- Mobile apps
- Headspace (iOS, Google Play)
- Gaia (iOS, Google Play)
- The Tapping Solution (iOS, Google Play)
- Insight Timer (iOS, Google Play)
- Books
- Podcasts
- Ten Percent Happier Podcast with Dan Harris
I tried an intuitive energy reading
An intuitive energy reading provided direction on where I should continue exploring.
What is an intuitive energy reading?
An intuitive energy reading is where a practitioner, often referred to as an intuitive or energy reader, uses their intuitive abilities to interpret the energy surrounding an individual. The goal of this reading is to provide insight, guidance, and understanding of various aspects of the individual’s life, including their emotions, relationships, and life path.
Meeting with the intuitive reader for the first time
While still feeling stuck, and during a stressful time period of work, I decided to take two days off and do a staycation in a remote West Virginia Airbnb with a beautiful view. The plan was to read books, be outside, and meditate. Before heading out that way I decided to have an intuitive energy reading to see what I might be able to learn. I had heard great things about this nearby crystal shop as well as their intuitive energy reader (I knew someone who had gone to this person before).
I told the intuitive reader that I felt stuck searching for something but had no idea what. As part of our conversation, she shared that I was most likely seeking more connection to the spiritual realm. She said that everyone is on their own spiritual journeys, and often as people get older, they start to develop a connection to the spiritual beyond the physical realm. It was interesting that she brought this up, because I had developed a greater interest on this topic while Mr. Nacho’s dad was battling illness and who had just recently passed. What is life after death? Where do our spirits go? What is consciousness and is there more to uncover?
If I had to be honest with myself, when I went to this intuitive energy reader, I secretly hoped she would provide me the one “answer” to fix my problems. While I didn’t get a “fix, she did give me a direction to move towards. I continued to focus on meditation, nature, and reading up on life after death. I then scheduled a Reiki session.
Reiki session
Similar to the intuitive energy reader, I wanted the Reiki healer to fix me and help me feel unstuck. I did not like the Reiki session.
What is Reiki?
Reiki is a form of alternative therapy commonly referred to as energy healing. It originated in Japan in the early 20th century and is based on the idea that a “universal life force energy” flows through all living things. Practitioners believe that this energy can be channeled through their hands to promote healing and general well-being in the recipient.
What I experienced
I found this practitioner online through Google searches. She had a handful of 5-star reviews so I decided to give her a shot. Once I booked my session online, she sent me a text of the address, which happened to be a 3rd floor walk-up to her personal condo.
The smell of incense was so strong that it gave me a headache. I laid on the table as she did her Reiki work. I fell asleep more than a couple times throughout. At the end she played these extremely loud singing bowls. When the session ended, I felt groggy with a headache from the smell of the incense. I didn’t feel healed at all. I would be open to trying another Reiki practitioner, but definitely not this one again.
See more in Part 2 (and unofficially Part 3) on my path to getting “unstuck”.
